Acknowledging Courage – Ariel’s Conversations Card

My first response to “think about a time you were brave” is to say I am not very brave.

I know this is not true, deep down. But that first negative thought I have about myself is hard to no listen to. Hard to not listen to and believe.

When anxiety feels like a personality trait instead of a disorder, it becomes challenging. Everything from making a phone call, going to the grocery store, and going to work increases that anxiety and fear. It’s very hard to think that you are brave.

But when I do those things anyway, even when I am anxious – those are times I am brave.

When I ask for help when I can’t do those things – those are times I am brave.

Creating this blog was something that took courage. Writing about personal issues for anyone to read is a terrifying concept and a vulnerable feeling.

• What if I put too much out there?
• What if no one likes what I write?
• What if no one likes how I write?
• What if no one reads?

What gave me the courage to create the blog and to come back after my break were three things:

1. I know this blog is important. When I was working on my thesis about my depression in grad school, it sparked a conversation with a classmate. We discussed our various mental health conditions. She told me that she had never talked about it with anyone before. Right then, I know sharing my story with others meant something .Knowing that there was purpose gave me courage.
2. My support system. I have a very strong support system. My family and friends were and are very encouraging about my writing and my blog. And they are encouraging in all aspects of my life. They give me the courage to do things I could not do on my own.
3. The princesses. Before the blog, they were still important to me. They were part nostalgia and part hope. They were escapism and entertainment. Now, they are friends and also part their own little support system. They also give me courage.

Being brave isn’t always in the big things like going into a sea witch’s lair. Sometimes it’s in little acts like collecting items from the human world you love, even though your father doesn’t approve. Sometimes it’s making a phone call. Sometimes writing a blog post and hitting the publish button.

That first thought, that first lie still wants to plant roots in my mind.

I am not very brave.

I actively choose to ignore it.

I am brave. I have courage.