In Progress

I have an upper respiratory virus and am sleep deprived. I’ve thought about posting on my blog for… a long time.

I don’t know if it’s the slight delirium sickness provides. But it’s giving me something I haven’t had in a while – the ability to write.

Since I last wrote (about a year ago), there have naturally been changes. The first major change: I got a new job. The transition was hard. The job is rewarding, but it is not easy.

Second major change: I wore a different type of tiara. A skull cap. Earlier this year I underwent TMS – transcranial magnetic stimulation (Link to learn more about it: https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625) to help with my depression. I learned that I qualified if I’d tried 2 antidepressants and still experienced depressive symptoms. At the time of the first procedure, I had tried around 16-20 that I remember.

TMS helped me in ways I can’t truly explain. I feel different. Lighter. I act different to the point that people have commented on the fact. Am I 100% cured? No. I still am on medication for depression, and I still experience depressive moments. Anxiety is its own story.  

I learned things from this experience and my transition at my new job:

1. Depression is not something to be overcome. Or perhaps I should not view it as if it is a beast and I am a knight that is going to fell it. That battle is exhausting and one I won’t win. I think that is partially why my blog and I have taken such long breaks.
2. Depression is not my only obstacle. Anxiety is and has always been my first hurdle. It is not to be ignored. It may be quieter, or I am simply more used to it and how it makes me feel.
3. Just because I am better than I was, that doesn’t mean I don’t need to still work on myself. That I can’t experience burn out or still have depressive states.
4. I need to advocate for myself. With regards to medication I don’t like, doctors I don’t like and well everything else.

If you look above my blog tagline is now a “in progress.”  This is because as I evolve, so too this blog and its purpose. And also, the princesses and how they assist me and my healing and progression.

So, to start off this blog again – I am going to begin by working with these affirmation cards. I bought them impulsively years ago and then did nothing with them.

This is the plan – there are 13 princesses in the cards: Ariel, Aurora, Belle, Cinderella, Jasmine, Merida, Moana, Mulan, Pocahontas, Rapunzel, Snow White and Tiana. I have organized them into alphabetical order to make things simpler for myself.

There are 4 types of cards: Activity, Inspiration, Affirmation, Conversations

Now, the makers of these cards really annoy me. They did not give all the princesses equal amounts of cards or types of cards. So, I will just have to make do.

This is the plan – each week or two a different princess (I don’t want to rush things). I will do the following:

1. Review the cards for the princess
2. Say card affirmation(s) of princess in the car to and from work
3. Perform the actions in the cards in the way I see fit. Journal my experiences and blog my experiences and/or share my experience from one of the cards – we’ll see how it goes.
4. Review previous blog posts & share my favorite post from the past
5. Listen to the songs of the princess
6. Watch the movie (if there’s time)

Things I will reflect on each week:

• Favorite card
• Favorite trait of princess
• Inspiration of earlier blog posts
• What to take with me now

Starting tomorrow with Ariel.