In Her Code

My newest supervisor at work told me that I need to start thinking about my personal development and figure out what I want to do.

My first instinct is to say, “I don’t know,” but I made a goal to acknowledge who I am. That means I must learn to acknowledge what I want.

Not knowing what to do is a big depression trigger of mine. It spirals into “It’s too late for me” and “I don’t have any skills” and “Does it even matter? Even if I acknowledge what I think I want to do, I can’t afford it…”

If I start to acknowledge things like who I am and what I want, I would have to stop the hamster wheel (the metaphor my mom supplied to describe my current lifestyle) and get out of the cage.

Vanellope knows what she wants to be even if she doesn’t know how to do it at first. The last part doesn’t really matter to her. Besides, it’s “in her code.”

I think I’m getting closer to acknowledging what’s in my code. Please stay tuned.

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