depression, disney princess, Vanellope, Wreck It Ralph

In My Code

June went by so quickly that I think it was racing as fast as Vanellope!

Vanellope is very inspiring because she knows who she is and what she wants to do. As children we are told that we can be whatever we want, and it seems so simple.

“I’m going to be a music conductor-writer-marine biologist!” (Three things I wanted to be growing up.)

What I want to be is a bit more complicated than it was when I was 7 because life is more complicated. There’s student loans, bills and depression to worry about.

I take that back. Life is more complicated, but wanting to be something, or someone doesn’t. I use “I don’t know” as a deflection because in truth, I don’t think I can.

For example:

I don’t think I can go back to school because I already am drowning in student loans.

I don’t think I can write a book because depression and atypical narcolepsy tell me so. (I’m working on this.)

But maybe, I just need to change the way I think about things. Some things are out of my control, yes, but when I’m having a good day or moment, I need to take charge. Instead of focusing on the things I can’t do, I should focus on the things I can do.

Vanellope knows she’s a racer and so she is going to race, no matter what others say or do to prevent her.

I can be a racer too. Or whatever the heck else I want to be. It’s in my code.

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