I went to my 10 year high school reunion last weekend. I dreaded the idea of going. I already see the people, my friends, from high school I want to see. I’ve spent the last 10 years avoiding those awkward moments where someone from high school and I are in the same vicinity. Do we pretend we don’t know each other? What’s your name again? But, regardless of how I felt, I was going because a friend asked me to and I didn’t want to let her down. That was the original reason anyway.
I don’t like doing things outside of my comfort zone that often. I mean, there’s a reason I have comfort zone. I like comfort and all that entails. Snuggly blankets, wire-free bras, close friends, routine and safety.
The more anxious or depressed I feel, the smaller my comfort zone becomes. Imagine me in my bed with a circle around it. I get so used to being in that circle that I don’t realize is suffocating me. And even if I do, it doesn’t matter. Why bother? I’m comfortable.
My depression likes that question. My inner dialogue went something like this when I thought of the reunion:
Why bother, Catie? No one will remember you and even if they do, you were just that quiet girl, and you’ll be that quiet girl again. Yes, you have a master’s degree, but you live at home. Oh, and you’re single. Congratulations. So really, why bother?
But Jasmine would bother. Jasmine wants to step out of her comfort zone. Don’t believe me? Watch these clips.
If I am to follow my goals and really use the princesses as inspiration to kick my mental illness in the ass – I need to listen to what each princess is saying AND I need to follow through.
So, I went to my high school graduation not for friend (though I gave her a lot of crap about it), I went for me.
And you know what? I had fun. I may have had some (ok, a lot of) liquid courage, but I went and I enjoyed myself.
It’s ok to have a comfort zone. But you can’t let it take control of your life. What does Jasmine say? “I can’t stay here and have my life lived for me.”
I can’t let depression be my life. I can’t let it dictate the size of comfort zone and when I will or will not cross it.
So, it’s simple. I won’t. I will be like Jasmine. I will climb that tree and see a whole new world.