Fighting the Fight

I’m not doing very well this month.

I didn’t rediscover my joy of dance.

I didn’t join an organization that wants to help those in need.

I used my tarot cards, prayer, etc. and attempted to awaken my spirituality, but I’ve just ended up more in existential crisis.

And I didn’t learn how to read palms, either.

I want to blame quarantine for my lack of success, but if it does have a part to play, it’s not all of it.

Sometimes I like to forget I have depression.

Depression isn’t always something I notice. It can be a sneaky, invisible presence. I don’t notice it until a month has gone by and I don’t know where it went.

Esmeralda is a woman of action. She fights every chance she gets. She fights for her people, for her freedom, for Quasimodo and for herself.

I really aspire to that.

Last post I hoped that if I fought for the right things I would be a different kind of tired, and I still think that’s true, but I haven’t been able to push through the current exhaustion to do the fighting I need to do.

It’s disappointing to feel like I’ve failed. You know, a real downer.

But I must remember that just because a month is over, that doesn’t mean I have to wipe one princess clean and replace her with another.

“Goodbye Esmeralda! See you never!”

No! They are all in my princessly tool belt, ready to be used when I need them.

So, Esmeralda and her goals aren’t gone, they are just delayed. And that’s OK.

I’ll keep on fighting the fight, just like her. We lose some battles, but win the war (or some equally cheesy cliché like that).

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