Tired of Tired

I went to bed early last night. I was tired, and sleep is easier than dealing with life. I wanted my mind to turn off. It won’t shut up; it’s very rude like that.

Tired is the first word that comes to my mind when I’m asked to describe myself. Feeling tired all the time takes a huge toll on my mental health. I feel lazy and useless. I usually end up in downward negative thought spiral and depression wins again. It doesn’t matter that I have a medical condition that makes me tired, I feel this way all the same.

So, I feel I haven’t been utilizing the time quarantine has given me. I could be doing things that I’ve been putting off, or thing I want to do, but feel burnt out from working in the office.

As an introvert I should have more energy now that I’m not using it to socialize with people at work. I should have more time because my commute went from 30-60 minutes each way to walking down the stairs of my house.

I have done some things. I am cleaning (very slowly). I am reading a lot (though one could argue I am using reading as an escape), and I’m finishing a cross stitch I’ve been working on for almost two years.

But most of the time I’m sleeping. Or thinking about sleeping in some way or another.

I think Esmeralda could be tired.

Tired of fighting for others. Tired of being who she is.

Tired of hiding from Frollo (the creep).

But she keeps on going.

We are not tired for the same reasons, but maybe if I find the right things to be tired for, I can keep on going too.

That’s why I have two of my goals this month – to volunteer and to work on my spiritual side (I need to explain that better).

I have 10 more days left of this month. Do you think I can do it?