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When Will My Life Begin?

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My original plan for Rapunzel’s photo shoot is what you see above. My friend who helped me the with the first shoot suggested that once her basement was cleaned up from some water damage, we do both the museum and this one. (I wanted to use her basement because of her beautiful painted floor. So Rapunzel! And use her baby for the ventriloquism scene. So adorable!)

At first this idea made me hesitate. I hadn’t done more than one photo shoot for any of the other princesses, was I playing favorites? And this was way out of routine for what I have done with my blog so far. But I had a realization when she asked me if I could do it this week – what had I done so far this month that had anything to do with Rapunzel?

And doesn’t Rapunzel break her routine?

It’s been a difficult month for me. I found out officially I have atypical narcolepsy. I don’t know if it is the simple knowledge that has sparked this or the fact my insurance won’t cover the medicine I need, but I have been more tired than ever. I’ve been more like Aurora under the sleeping curse than Rapunzel.

I also had a bad week of depression. I was PMSing, behind on my meds and stressed about all the uncertainties I’m dealing with in my life.

So, it was more than time be like Rapunzel and break my routine that I found myself stuck in and do something different. Like recreate Rapunzel’s routine, for example.

Can I just tell you, that girl does a lot for someone who is stuck in a tower. I didn’t think we were going to be able to do all the things, but we did! And it was so much fun. It was the first time in a long time I went to bed at a normal bedtime hour and I was tired not just from narcolepsy, but because I had done something fun and productive with a friend. Good tired, you know?

Rapunzel needed someone’s help to break her routine too. And how brave she is, to finally step out of her tower. I admire her SO much for that.

We all have routines we follow. And in most cases, routine is good. (I know from experience that not having routine can be very dangerous.) But sometimes we get stuck in routine. Stuck in a tower with no doors.

How many times have I said no to doing something because it might interrupt the routine my depression and anxiety have told me is safe and comfortable?

What experiences have I missed?

What life am I missing out on?

This is why the question “When will my life begin?” gives me so much anxiety and sends me in a downward spiral.

Because I know I am alive and therefore am in fact living, but I don’t always feel like I am living my life. I’m up in that tower, just waiting.

But guess what? Life doesn’t wait. We have dreams to fulfill and new ones to find.

And the tower may not have any doors, but it does have a window.

 

 

 

 

Just in case you want the song stuck in your head… here it is!

 

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