Hello! It’s been a hot minute! I hope this post finds everyone happy and healthy.
My last post kind of ended on a cliffhanger, somewhat literally in Jane’s case.
Have you wondered where I’ve been?
Well, I have been working on my mental health. I find the situation ironic, really. Here I am writing a blog about depression, but I don’t see (or want to see) the signs that my depression is getting worse. Not until it’s too late.
I was crying a lot and feeling so much and nothing at all. I felt paranoid, anxious, scared, and depressed. I felt lost and stuck and sad and frustrated. I was falling apart, kind of like (flashback alert) Sally, except I didn’t have a thread and needle to put myself back together again.
When I was talking to, no, crying at my counselor one session, she said to me something like, “Catie, you need a reset. You need to look into a program.”
I needed to find my thread and needle. My way out between the rock and hard place. (There are so many good metaphors I could use here.)
So, for the past 5 weeks I have been in IOP, which stands for Intensive Outpatient Program. It’s run by hospitals and other mental health centers for people who have been in the hospital and still need help or for people (like me) who are hoping to not go to the hospital.
It’s essentially a group therapy session where you create goals, sharing good and nice things that happened to you, talk about spirituality, learn about coping techniques and what’s going on inside your head.
Today was my last day and I have very mixed feelings about the program ending. I’m scared I’m going to relapse, but I have a much bigger toolbelt to deal with my anxiety and depression than I had before.
I am in a much better place than I was a month ago, but I’m not magically cured. I have a lot of work to do to maintain my current progress and to improve upon it.
Work that includes continuing this blog. Not for the views or the likes. But for me. For my growth and benefit. And for the hopes that my experiences with mental illness can help someone else out there feel less alone.
So, next month will begin a blog reset. A Jane do-over. I don’t know if that means the format of my blog will change, but it will mean that I’m going to work on acting upon the advice I give out.
I want to end this post by sharing a quote that I’ve been using as my mantra lately. A quote from Winnie the Pooh, actually (who is Disney but was created by A.A. Milne). It goes:
You are Braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
And Smarter than you think!”A.A. Milne
Until next week!